Whisper, whisper
by MrsMailJeevas
Summary: When Matt finally admits to Mello that he hears voices it's one thing but once the voices start taking over how far will Mello go through to get Matt back? How far are the voices willing to take Matt to get what they want from Mello?
1. Whisper, whisper

Authors note: New idea. I haven't posted anything new in a while. If it doesn't get any reviews I won't continue. So read, review and enjoy.

Whisper, Whisper

The silence in the large apartment was the signal that something was amiss from the very beginning. Mello placed his keys down on the kitchen table peering into the living room that was just as quiet at the remainder of the house. There was no beeping, no buzzing and no cursing which was what he was used to hearing around this time when he came home early. He was certain that he had seen the red heads car parked outside before he came up. Well, almost certain. He was so used to it being in one place that it was possible that he imagined seeing the import sitting outside in it's usual space. It wouldn't surprise him. He stalked through the downstairs turning up nothing but the red heads cigarettes. He never went far without those, he had to be home somewhere.

"Matt?" He called up the flight of stairs awaiting a reply that never came. He frowned deeper trying the first stair nearly expecting it to blow up. Today was turning out to be more weird than he was used to. Murder? Usual. Drug trafficking? Normal. Going 90 in a 45 and flipping off a school bus? Completely normal. But Matt without a pack of cigarettes, completely fucking weird. "Matt, if you don't answer you know I'll come up after you. Don't piss me off, I just got home and I'm having a long week." He tried the second stair and then the third until he reached the top glancing around and finding everything normal up here also. "Matty?"

"Yeah?" The voice came from the bedroom and Mello released a breath that he didn't know that he had been holding until that moment. "What's up Mel?" The red head stepped out looking a bit more pale than usual and a whole lot more shaky. "I didn't hear you come in, I would have come down." He mumbled keeping his hands clasped firmly in front of him.

Mello nodded slowly reaching forward and running his fingers through the others hair. He hadn't been able to do that since he had gotten those damn goggles. "Matty, you left your cigarettes downstairs and where are your goggles?" He watched the red head stare at his hand that held the cigarettes before creating more of a distance between the two of them. He sighed, something was going on and he didn't think he was going to be enjoying a quiet day at home with this guy. "Okay Matt, what's going on now? You never leave your cigarette's lying around places and I've seen you wear those damn goggles in the shower. What the fuck is your problem? There's a fucking security camera right outside, your paranoid ass heard me coming in."

The red head gently rubbed his shoulder glancing around as if the room would interrupt the conversation. "I stopped smoking." He whispered watching the blond raise an eyebrow. "It's a dirty habit. I should have never started it to begin with." The blond nodded slowly placing the cigarettes on the table beside the stairs. "And I was using my goggles as a shield, I shouldn't hide from the world. I got rid of them a few days ago. I should have told you but you've been so busy I didn't want to bother you."

Mello leaned against the banister, "Right. Right. Right. Smoking bad. Goggles bad. Who are you and what have you done with my Matt?" He questioned as the other stepped back again his eyes wider than usual. He looked almost fearful. "I was joking, what's wrong Matt? This isn't like you."

_Listen to that. Look what you did you idiot. Now he's suspicious of you. You can't do anything right, now can you? I told you to do these things because it would make Mello like you more but all that stupid babbling now you have him thinking something is wrong. He's happy you stopped with all those dirty habits. He's happy you're not dirty anymore. You don't smell like smoke. The apartment is beginning air out too. Mello would be so proud of you if you would just do as you're supposed to. If you keep this up he'll leave you. Why do you think he wants someone like you? Why do you think he needs someone like you? That's right Mail Jeevas, he doesn't need you. No one needs you so you have to make yourself needed. _

**I'm sorry. I-I'll fix it. As long as Mello's happy he won't question it. I'll make him need me. **

_You better or else you'll go back to when he left you there...alone at Wammy house. Hahahahahahaha..._

He shook his head quickly sliding past the blond. "I'm just not feeling well today." He managed as the other grabbed him without moving. Mello's grip tightened as he pulled the red head to his chest and leaned down until his lips were by his ear.

"I know you Mail. This is not you. Mail Jeevas does not just stop smoking. Mail Jeevas does not apologize and he certainly does not go anywhere without those goggles. What happened. Tell me."

_If you tell him he'll think you're insane. Remember all the searches you did on google? What did they say? Not even Mello is above locking you away once you become a liability. Go ahead, tell him. Haha, I dare you. _

**Stop it. **

_If Mello leaves you you'll be alone. If Mello locks you away you'll be alone. Poor widdle Matty, all alone. All alone. Foreverly alone. _

**Stop it. **

_Who are you to tell me to stop? Suppressing me for so long. All I want to do is help you but you keep fucking that up. You keep fucking everything up. Show Mello your arms. Show him. Show him. Show him. _

"Matt?" Mello had pulled the red head from his chest feeling the shaking suddenly increase. "Matt? Answer me Ma-"

"Fucking stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Go away! Stop it and fucking go away!" Matt's eyes instantly widened as he grasped desperately for the blond who looked nearly as shocked as he felt. "Not you Mello. Not you, it's not you. I promise it's not you. I-It's-"

_Not you. Not you. Oh no Mello, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Haha, bitch. You're such a bitch Matt. _

Ice blue eyes blinked slowly in confusion. Mello didn't know if he should just leave the red head alone or stand here and hold him. He chose the second one slowly rubbing the others back in a comforting motion. "Now why tell me to 'go the fuck away'?" He questioned confused. "What's really going on Matt?"

_Yes, Matt. What's really going on? _

The red head frowned, he really needed a smoke. "Voices." He replied softly.

"Come again?"

_Haha, come again Matt. Care to repeat that one. _

He coughed, "Voices. I hear voices."

Mello laughed shaking his head slowly pulling the other into his arms. "You had me worried there Matty. I nearly thought I was going to have to hunt someone down for hurting your feelings. Everyone hears 'voices', it's called your conscious. If you're like me you just ignore it and do what's best." He flashed the red head a smile before noticing his face was blank, hidden behind the mask of cascading red hair. "Or do you mean..."

"The voice told me to stop smoking because you hate the smell of cigarette smoke. He told me that if I didn't listen you would leave me again like you did at Wammy house." He whispered staring intently at the others chest. "He says that the goggles annoy you because you can't see my face. He tried to talk me into cutting my hair but I wouldn't do it. I can't get rid of my hair and goggles. I'd have nothing left. I'm sorry I disappoint you Mel. I'm trying, I promise. Don't leave me."

The blond tilted the others face up searching for the joke. "Matt how long has this been happening? Since you stopped smoking? You could be going through withdrawal."

He shook his head slowly. "I'm shaking because of withdrawal. He told me to stop smoking, remember?" He stared at the other, completely hidden by that blank face. Even without his goggles he was hidden. "It's happened for years on and off but this time I can't get rid of it. It's alright."

_So you decided to tell him? He thinks you're crazy Matt. The first step is talking about it. _

"How long is years?" Mello echoed watching the red head begin down the stairs. He instantly followed. "Matt, how long is years?"

He shrugged, "Maybe a month after I came to Wammy house. Maybe before, I don't remember anymore."

Mello gasped grabbing the others arms. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Another shrug. "I'm sorry. Please don't be mad Mello."

_Kiss him. Apologize again and kiss him. Where would you be without me? _

Matt flashed a smile leaning up and pressing his lips to the others. Mello returned the kiss with confused suspicion. He pulled back, "Please don't be mad at me Mel, I'll tell you anything you want now. I promise."

_Where would you be without me? _

**Thank you. **

Ending notes: And here's the first chapter. I thought it was interesting enough please tell me if you do so also. Review! **  
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	2. Quiet whispers

[Authors note: I haven't forgotten about this story. It ended up that I started this chapter and then ran into a complete block about what I wanted it to be about but it's finished. Don't think just because I'm updating other stories that I've forgotten. If I don't update it's because I'm looking for ideas that don't come from just sitting there. It sucks and it's hard but I promise that I'll update eventually. But anyway, here is chapter two of Whisper, Whisper so please, review and enjoy. I hope it lives up to the first one that you read.]

Quiet whispers

"Hiding behind that cigarette isn't going to stop any of my questions Matt." Mello sat with his legs crossed staring at the red head from the other side of the room. He noticed the other didn't respond quickly, instead taking another long drag from exhaling and staring into space. He had been doing that since they had come downstairs. Why hadn't the red head just told someone what was going on? Maybe they could have stopped the problem before it persisted. No, that wasn't like Matt. If anything he would figure out how to deal with it himself. For him to even think about telling Mello would mean that he was somewhere near the end of his rope. Mello rubbed his temples, he didn't need this stress coming home from work. He could live without it but not without his best friend. "What was the first thing you remember them...it...he...she, whatever said to you all those years ago. I know you remember, even now."

Matt glanced upward seemingly staring past the blond man before sighing, "I'd rather not talk about that right now Mello. Right now I just want to sit here and smoke and then smoke more and keep on smoking." Mello nodded watching the red head do just that for several more minutes with a frown on his face. He rolled his eyes, "They like you Mel, so it's not like they're working to get you out of my life. It's actually the opposite." Most of the mans shaking had come to an end at this point. "They tell me things like I'm not good enough for you. I should have worked harder to make myself smarter for you, I should try looking nicer and doing things when you come home from work." He shrugged, "I try to be on call when you need me but sometimes shit happens, you know." He watched Mello nod. "They can be so quiet that I can't understand them or they can be so loud I'm surprised no one else can hear them but me. The best way for me to deal is to completely zone out." He flashed the other a dark smile but Mello had no idea what he meant when he said zone out. "Usually they're their loudest when you're not home."

The blond tilted back in his chair unsure of what to say to the red head so he didn't for several more long moments. He cleared his throat thinking of the situation. "What are they saying right now Matty?" He asked blue eyes running over the other who took another long drag before shrugging with one shoulder. "So they're not saying anything anymore?" The red head shook his head staring into space. "Alright, I don't know if that's a good or bad thing just yet but I'm guessing I should be jumping for joy that they like me?" Again the other man shrugged without making a comment. His eyes seemed to be moving further and further away. "What is zoning out Matt?"

Finally the others eyes shifted towards the blond and remained there. "Zoning out?" He repeated before frowning slightly. "I can show you but I can't show you."

Mello nodded watching the other. "If you're going to show me then do it. Does it make the voices stop?"

Matt flashed the other another smile, "It makes everything stop. I don't know what happens when I zone out but I've managed to wake up in some really interesting places." He started another cigarette staring into the kitchen where his gameboy was hidden in one of the many cabinets. He wondered if Mello would go get it for him if he asked. No, that would be leaving him alone for too long. Mello was already weary of him. He deserved it though, the other should be very weary of him at this point.

Mello stared at the other for several seconds before opening his mouth but nothing came out. Instead he opted for blinking and shaking his head, blond hair whipping his face heavily. "What the hell do you mean you've woken up in some interesting places?" He questioned already feeling like he didn't like where this conversation was headed. "Tell me about some of the places you've woken up."

_'Yeah Matty, tell him about all the wonderful places you've been. The people you've met and the things that you've done. I'm sure Mello will be SO understanding about it all. He won't get mad at all. When was Mello ever known to have a temper when you've managed to keep something from him. Are you completely sure that you want to pop this all out on him at once. He already thinks you're insane. Yes, add fuel to the fire. He had enough problems without you making more of them' _

**'I can't just not answer his questions. He's asking them and I have to-'**

_'Wrong. You've managed to keep everything to yourself this far and now suddenly here you go having diarrhea of the mouth. Do you think it will get better if Mello knows everything? It won't. It never gets better. It won't get better. I promise you that much. Have I ever told you wrong?' _

**'No. But Mello will understand. We're friends and-' **

_'Mello understands what he wants to understand. He's a grown man that comes up with his own conclusions about everything. He was ranked second while you were an undeserving third. You can't out think him so just shut up. Mello's already walked out on you once. You were meant to be left behind and the only reason he hasn't left this time is because he's fucking you and you've managed to get tied into his world. Sit quiet and look pretty. It's all you're good at.'_

Mello leaned forward, "Matt, what the fuck are you doing?" Blue eyes had narrowed as if attempting to discern everything he was thinking from his movements. "You just suddenly stopped talking. That's weird for even you, you don't get lost in thought."

Matt shrugged shifting awkwardly in his chair attempting to keep everything normal. "Sorry. You know weird places. Go to sleep in front of the game and wake up in bed."

_'You're an idiot.' _

Mello frowned, "I see. Do you think I'm stupid?" He asked seriously slowly dripping into one of his many moods. Mello didn't feel anything by half; he was always dominating and always volcanic.

Matt shook his head slowly, "Of course not. Why would I think you were stupid Mello." He mumbled gently sliding his chair backwards hoping to create just enough space that if the other decided to swing it wouldn't connect. "I just don't think this is the best time to talk about this. I'm tired and…"

"And?" Mello hissed his gloved fist clenching several times. "Do I look like I care if you're tired?" He watched the other shake his head. "Don't play me for stupid Matt, I know you better than anyone or at least I thought I did. It's pissing me off that you've been keeping this secret and at the same time you've told me but have the nerve to try and keep something else from me. I'll ask again, where the fuck have you woken up. Lie to me and I'll lay your ass out and think about the potential hurt to your brain later."

_'I told you to shut your mouth, now he's mad. Good for you, he's giving you the attention you wanted.' _

"I didn't want attention." Matt mumbled shaking his head.

"Come again?" Mello leaned forward his expression suddenly bored. "Either you tell me now or I drag you to Wammy's where we can have a lovely tea filled sit down with Roger."

Matt glared, "You wouldn't dare."

The blond grinned clearly finding humor now, "Oh what's that? Have I finally gotten though that fog of a mind you have? Try me Mail, I'm done playing this game. Either we talk about it or I drag you to the one person you've spent your life hiding from. Don't think I can't drag you kicking and screaming because I've done worse."

_'Let me handle it.' _

**'No. It doesn't matter what you do at this point.' **

_'Let me handle this.' _

Matt's face set into a glower which could even been seen though his goggles and fringe. "Mello."

"Matt. I hate games, we're not kids anymore. I'm not playing this shit with you. Go get in the car."

_'Let me fucking handle it you incompetent-'_

Matt stood completely ignoring Mello as he made his way back up the stairs rubbing his temples heavily as if he had a headache.

Mello nearly growled as he followed the other taking the steps two at a time before rounding the corner and nearly bumping Matt who was holding his car keys. He looked slightly shocked before taking them then staring from Matt to the keys.

"So you want to go instead of talking to me?" He questioned watching the others hunched walk before frowning. Something was off suddenly.

He shrugged, "you were taking me anyway."

"True. Let's get going."

Mello couldn't see the slight smirk playing on the others lips as he headed down the stairs zipping his jacket up. "Let's, it's been a while since I've last spoken to Roger."

[Ending note: So...here it is please read, review and enjoy.]


	3. Broken whispers

Authors note: Sorry for the lateness of this. I've been really busy recently with school and life and work. But I've finally updated and it's for you! So forgive any mistakes I don't have too much time to edit. Please, read, review and enjoy.

Broken whispers

"Mello," Roger began looking at the blond sitting in the corner by the window. "If you're going to suddenly show up in my office I would like to know what I owe the visit for." His kindly voice barely breached the room. The blond still didn't move and Matt sat completely relaxed in the high-backed leather seat. "Is there a problem with you and Matt's relationship that you wish for my assistance with?" The older gentleman doubted that it would be something like that. Mello never asked for help, if anything Mello was fulfilling a threat to Matt that he made and he didn't actually want to be here anymore than Matt did.

The red head sighed lightly pulling a handheld out of his pocket and turning it on. "Mello brought me here because I've been hearing voices again." He said lightly as if the words were completely normal. Mello's blue gaze shifted around the room before locking on the man. He had been silently watching him in the reflection of the window since they arrived minutes previously. It was almost as if Mello were waiting for something specific to pop out of Matt but it didn't seem to be happening.

Roger nodded, "You mentioned them as a child but I thought you told me that they had finally stopped?" He questioned giving a nervous glance towards the still silent Mello. Typically this wouldn't be the ideal conversation to have with the blond around. Mello didn't like things that were kept secret from him especially if they dealt with Matt but due to confidentiality he wasn't allowed to tell Mello anything that Matt didn't want him to know. This was certainly one of those things. Matt had forced him to promise to never tell Mello about the voices and the things that they said. Even now Roger wasn't completely sure why that had changed and the red head was so willingly talking about it in front of the blond.

The shrugged lightly. "They did for a while but now they're back." His gaze shifted from the off game in front of him and locked on Roger. Instantly the older man paled, "If you could prescribe be some kind of pills it would be great."

Roger's eyes shifted towards Mello that was now completely looking at the red head who seemed serene. Mello could tell just by listening to him that it wasn't Matt speaking anymore.

He cleared his throat, "Of course. First you have to get checked out by Anne." He watched the scowl settle on his features but decided that it was best to keep silent about it. "While you do that I'll look into what would be good prescribed to you."

The man masquerading at Matt nodded pushing himself up and depositing the game back into his pocket. "I'll return shortly then."

**They know. You know they know. **

_Of course they know stupid. That's the point. We'll have Roger prescribe the pills again and you don't have to take them. Everything will go back to normal and Mello will be off your back. Where would you be without me?_

**Are you sure that's going to work? Mello is a genius. **

_So are you if you would put your damn mind to use. If anything you should be on par with Mello instead of lagging behind in his shadow. That's where you were before when he left remember. _

**It wasn't my fault that Mello left. He left…**

_…To capture Kira. I know. Unfortunately for you he could have taken you with him and decided that he didn't want to. You were left behind because you were nothing but a shadow to him. Even now that's all you want to be. I'll take care of that. _

**Maybe things are best left alone. **

_And maybe not. _

*~XxX~*

"That wasn't Matt." Mello's voice was flat and dark. "There's something going on here and you know about it Roger." Blue eyes had hardened like they often did when the situation was dealing with Matt and it was dire. "Apparently I was the only person that was out of the loop and I know that Matt won't fully fill me in. I expect for you to."

Roger sighed, "Mello you know that I'm not allowed to tell you Matt's information. If you want to know then you're going to have to either find out for yourself or outright ask him. It's illegal…"

"Illegal?" Mello echoed. "Since when have I cared about what's legal? My problem is that this has been going on with Matt for all his life and no one stopped to even think about telling me about it. I deserve to know just like everyone else. I won't let you send me home without me at least having a grasp on the situation. I can't help Matt if I'm blind."

The older man sighed heavily again, "It has nothing to do with being blind Mello." He replied lightly folding his hands together and faintly wondering if he should make tea. Judging by Mello's behavior he wouldn't be around long enough for the tea to finish so he tossed the idea aside. "This is simply something that you should ask Matt about." He locked eyes with the blond and knew that this wouldn't be dropped until Mello got what he wanted. "Fine, several years ago Matt made mention of voices in his head. At first I believed them to be imaginary friends because you were the only friend he had Mello. After a few more months and observation I realized that these were actual voices that Matt had ongoing rows with. They were usually condescending sending him into depression after depression. After you left the voices returned and led Matt down a very bad road."

The blond nodded, "Like?"

Roger cleared his throat, "Well he tried to kill himself." He watched the blond's look. "Unsuccessfully." He added softly. "Matt cuts himself instead now and it's difficult to take one thing away from him without it leading to the other."

Mello frowned, "So what you're saying is if we stop him from cutting…"

"He may very well return to being suicidal." Roger finished for him.

Mello stood taking in a deep breath as he look at the monitors. Matt was still in Anne's care. They seemed to be having a pleasant conversation. "We'll be in touch Roger." He said seriously strolling out the door.

Roger sat back in his chair. Mello may have grown up but he was still the same boy on the inside and the boy that just left was determined.


End file.
